My Evil Plan

Your objective is simple: World Domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Mom never loved me

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first devour a town mascot. This will cause the world to sign up for life insurance policies, horrified by your arrival. Who is this really bad guy? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?

Stage Two

Next, you must steal the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of mean english teachers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must reveal to the world your time machine, bringing about an unending cacophony of screams. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare call you names. Everyone will bow before your extraordinary charisma, and the world will have no choice but to name you evil man/woman of the year.